Wandering scribbler..

One day, he’s going to text you. That day, you’re going to realize he means nothing to you. He’s just another guy. Just another guy, you wasted your time on, tried to look good for, and tried to impress. He’s just another bad memory. You’re going to remember how much you like him, and miss him, but at the same time how much you hate him. Instead of getting all excited over this one message, that can mean the world to you, but nothing to him, just click erase and move on with your life. He’s not worth it... ~ Anonymous

I will always remember the day I walked into this blue colored building wide eyed with a feeling of excitement and fear as to how high school would be and I will also remember this day as I walk out of this building today finally as a senior... This place may not have caused any drastic change in me but it has definitely added a lot of confidence in that walk..   It's hard to imagine days when I don't need to walk in through those gates or stand outside because I got late(I mostly did)...I remember standing outside these gates and grumbling about how unfair the school authorities are whenever I got late and I wasn't allowed to enter school...I remember making paper boats with Riko and throwing it in the puddles formed in the school lawn some sailed through and some sinked half way.. I have spend my  best and truly the craziest moments of my life here and it is here that I met my friends / my partners in crime and my attorney's whenever I got caught.. It is here that we

My exams just got over (thankgod!).. It's been a while since i have sat down to write a post..And strangely how much ever I tried I just couldn't get around with it...Maybe because these days I couldnot think about anything except my exams (because if I bomb this one I'll be dead).. Why is it that It seems easier for the grey cells to get lost in a silly tv show or movie rather than to concentrate in some intelligent thought?!! Anyway I went on a short vacation last month to the north of India,Delhi and Agra to be precise...I have visited Delhi many times but still I feel like visiting it again and again specially now because of the famous Delhi ki sardi..! I thought of making this a long post but i am feeling so blank now..! Maybe it's because of the viral fever I'm having Last monday i had that famous biology tuition (yes the same one with the danger staircase!) there the teacher keeps the air conditioner on irrespective of the temperature outside..! I don'

Today is Dashami the last day of Durga puja when Ma Durga is immersed into the Ganges..And like every bengali I too have a heavy heart on this day.. When I was small I used to go to see  the Bisarjan (or the immersing of the idol of Ma Durga) in a lake in Behala with my cousins in the evening...Wide eyed with wonder i would watch as scores of idols from tiny to tall made their way on the shoulders of devotees down to the final immersion place.. The immersion place would be filled by devotees dancing to the dhaak beats and the smoke from the dhunuchi... And I would silently shed tears (like a silly girl) seeing Ma Durga gradually sink into the water ..And if anybody noticed(which they hardly did) I would say uff eto dhoa (The smoke of the dhunuchi is unbearable)!! My cousins would happily witness the noise,the colour and the grandeur with our newly bought balloons and ice creams as I kept getting sadder and sadder.. And while walking back home from there(the lake is at walking distanc

Today while coming out of my Biology tuition I slipped but then I somehow regained my balance.!! Yes I slipped again..!!A year back on my 16th birthday I slipped and fractured my ankle!!Actually it's my fault only there are two staircases in my biology tuition both leading to the exit, one is the normal kinda stairs which we generally have and the other one is a spiral staircase which opens outwards (yes you can even see the sky from it's broken corners!) but it doesnot even have a railing in some places and it's extremely narrow(exactly the size of my foot!!yes I did measure it!!) and steep!! So as you may have guessed by now I regularly use the spiral staircase!!Girls in my tuition can't even think of using that staircase and I don't know why even guys don't use it!!(maybe they are scared!!).. I really don't understand why I love those 'danger stairs' (yes my friends call it that) so much but I actually do..I remember once when I was about four or

Sometimes it's actually important to just let go of things specially if they hurt you immensely... People change and you have to accept it that way..Anyway I patched up with my sister after a 2 month long fight it's the longest we have gone without speaking...But I guess this was really necessary because we both were getting way too dependent on each other..But in those 2 months I realized how weak I am without her..I tried hard not to talk about this in front of Riko(my best friend) so that I don't end up crying but whenever I told her(Riko) about it I mostly did.. And that's why I took the first step (unlike my usual egoistic self) and cleared the air between us(though it was her fault!).. But I am glad things are better now, atleast something is normal in my life now..!After 2 months of silence now we finally can talk normally..I realized that things change with time and if you love someone truly you'll accept that person with that change.. I also realized some

I have been reading Javed Akhtar's poems lately and I really wanted to share this one..Here it goes.. mujhko yakin hai such kahti thi jo bhi ammi kahti thin, jab mere bachpan ke din the chand me pariyan rahti thi ek ye din jab apno ne bhi hum se nata tod liya, ek wo din jab ped ki shakhen bojh humara sahti thi ek ye din jab sari sadken roothi-roothi lagti hain, ek wo din jab aao khelen sari galiyan kahtin thi ek ye din jab jaagi raten deevaron ko takti hain, ek wo din jab shamon ki bhi palken bojhil rahti thi ek ye din jab lakhon gum aor kal pada hai aansoo ka, ek wo din jab ek jara si bat pe nadiyan bahti thi..

I know its been a while but things changed so fast and so drastically..That i had to struggle to keep up with those changing things.. Well!Its been hell of a month.. I have been feeling extremely lost as if i don't know why I am doing,what I am doing and if at all it is right or not..And I can't even see a way out.. Things in life and at school have also turned really ugly,so ugly that i feel like leaving everything aside and just go on a long long vacation to some unknown place!! But i obviously can't do that.. I was expecting life will be a bit better from last month but it actually worsened..! I just saw my Biology and Physics marks last day and it was disgusting.. I feel as if i am on the verge of losing this.. And I have planned something(yes you read that right!'I' have actually thought of a plan!!) that i will try and lessen the distractions in life and only focus on my career(atleast for once in my life) So Friends i wont be writing much till then.. ciao Too

I changed my blog address yesterday!! I don't know why maybe because I wanted to get rid of some unwanted people in my life or maybe because I realized an inevitable truth about myself yesterday which I knew before also ,but never agreed to it..(Though even now I have trouble agreeing to it) But velocity07.blogspot.com continues to be my favorite webpage for my blog and it was extremely painful to part with it but i guess I just had too..Maybe I've had enough of velocity in life now all that I need is acceleration..isn't it?!

Something really bad happened today..And I dont want to talk about it anymore. I really miss Dada Dadi, I dont know how to put up with life without them. .I don't know why they left me like this..Dada dint go anywhere without me don't know why he stranded me in the end like this..I wish I could bring them back somehow..I am feeling so disgusted and pained that I just can't do anything but cry..I just can't take it anymore, I just can't....I don't know how to react..but from today I have torn off a part of me perhaps forever..

I am a proud sister today my sister got through in one of the best colleges in India plus a dream job in one of the best core companies..I am so happy for her,so happy that tears roll down my eyes when I see her today and remember one day many years back when I was really small and I had got a scolding for some reason and I had gone to her and told her that "Ju maybe I wont be able to do anything in life but you study hard you have to make mummy and Babi(thats what I call my dad) proud "!!And she doesn't know how very proud I am..I almost feel as if I have got through that college!! Even now whether I make it big in life or not I really really want her to get all the happiness in the world and even more.. Ju has always been like a little sister for me though she is 5 years elder to me I have always treated her like a child infact mum tells me I worry about ju much much much more than she does..Even though I know she can handle herself but still I just can't let her b

Recently my friend Pritz(I had written about her in my post "For all those times".) and I resolved our issues and for the first time in this month I felt kinda light,I felt as if things are going to get better in my life as before....It's been one year from that day that we spoke and the night before my Biology exam when she texted me I got a flash of old memories and for sometime I just kept staring at the phone..Then I texted her back and things were back to normal as it was before..Thank god for that!! But we couldn't talk much as my phone crapped up(bad timing) and my sister is not kind enough to lend me her phone for more than half an hour..In this one month that was one moment when I finally had some clarity in relations otherwise this whole month has been a complete mess!!And so many stressfull things going on in my life all at the same time was making it really hard to put up with but this is life....Isn't it?!

I dont find it hard to to make friends maybe because I am outgoing or maybe because I am always in a struggle to deal with my emptiness.. But I don't call myself lonely there is always lots to do,lots to read,lots to think about and worry about..!! Emptiness is something all of us try to deal with but still somewhere inside deep inside it still remains..Whenever I feel empty I write or listen to songs or speak to my sister or my best friend and sometimes when this emptiness gets over me I sit alone for some time and recollect and retrospect over my life you may say that I brood over things but I would say I do something which I actually need at that time,I try to get a grip!! Sometimes I think it would be nice to have someone to share my emptiness or rather fill my emptiness someone who would fill it in his own way..But then when life goes back to it's old track I realize that maybe this emptiness is actually an illusion.. Like I recently read in a story in Hindi that it

I have recently opened a Twitter account,I have resisted it for some time as I dint want another source of wasting time..But I guess I just had to because it has Mitch Albom and Rahul Bose in it..!!! And now i waste so much time on it that my eyes start hurting!!! Anyway twitter is way better than Facebook take my word on it..

Whenever I'm worried or sad I clean up my room! I know that sounds extremely silly but I always do that, It gives me a certain ease of mind... And if I am really sad I sit by the window ledge in my room.. When I was small that window ledge was like a hide out for me where I would sit and pull the curtains so that no one can find me.. Actually it is still like a hide out for me whenever I feel like I just need to vent out certain things I just go and sit there for hours.. I remember some years back in the month of December I had a fight with my sister and I was sitting alone in the cold marble ledge of the window listening to old songs on my iPod and staring out of the window into the darkness outside when suddenly I started feeling numb with cold.. So when I came down I saw Ju(my elder sister) had gone to sleep and Goldie(our great Dane) was sleeping diagonally on my bed and maybe she was watching some scary dream because she was shaking her legs uncontrollably as if she

I don't know why people stretch a normal debate into a heated up fight and try to act mean when they are losing it..I dislike such narrow minded people..I love debates I think debates help me know more about something and to learn more in this process but I think now I'll have to start being choosy about the people I discuss or debate with..!!It's so funny when people twice your age can't take a discussion as a discussion and start a fight!! Is is it a crime to be opinionated or have a difference of opinion with someone..Well this is not the first time someone acted so ridiculously with me!!Anyway I am so in love with my present blog theme I feel like walking through these woods and getting lost somewhere..How do you people like it??What strikes you first when you see it??

I love this cartoon strip of Calvin and Hobbes more so because i am exactly like Calvin in this point!!I don't take resolutions,neither do i like them..!!It is not that i think i am perfect the way i am but it's just that I am too sure that if i take one I won't be able to stick to it.!! I know how I am and I think it is extremely hard for a messy person like me to commit to resolutions.. So I think it's better to be free from the guilt of not keeping to your resolution..Just like a popular saying in Hindi says " na rahega baas na bajegi baasuri.!!!". Which means if there is no bamboo there won't be any question of playing the flute!!.

Today my blog has completed a year..And I feel so blessed that atleast some people are reading it..In this one year this blog has become more like a constant companion for me to whom I can turn to in my hard times..Last year on this date when I had first started writing I had never thought anyone would even care to read it that's why I hadn't even told anyone but now it seems so surprising that some people actually read my blog.. I have often been asked as to why "velocity07"?Actually I was extremely fascinated by the term velocity from the day I first heard of it and because I have always loved physics I had kept this name..And 07 because i was born on the 16th of May!! I remember when I was really small and I had just learned to write I maintained a diary in which I wrote my stuff and gradually that became a habit.Initially when I used to write I used to share everything I had written with my Mom but as I grew up I maintained the diary really privately and wrote abo

5 years back i was gifted the book Unaccustomed earth by dada(my grandfather) on my birthday and i fell in love with the book just from the time i saw its cover..There was something so intense about the cover page that i just couldn't wait to read it..And when i read it i found it was outstanding..And from then on it became the best book I had ever read(it still is).. And I was so possessive(I still am!) about that book that I dint even want to lend it to my cousin to read it(because she is mishandles books!!)....I really love the title of the book it is a metaphor for the struggle people undergo to be accustomed or settled..I like the title story Unaccustomed earth the best in the book..There were certain parts in the book which had a profound effect on my life specially the part in the title story where Ruma's father asks her “Will this make you happy?”I also liked the last story Hema and Kaushik which was represented in three parts but I wish it had a happier ending... I hav

Happy Anniversary to my dada(grandfather) and dadi(grandmother)...I love and miss you a lot.. Jijo

Another milestone crossed today i have turned 17 years old...Friends who wished me mostly asked what plans i had for the day which i have been asked almost every year and to which i give the same reply every year that "nothing special i'll be at home!" I am usually at home during my birthday in fact,I don't like celebrating my birthday and spend it like any typical day...I know with this i may sound like a boring person but this is how i am..This year my friend Megz wished me first on my birthday (though i was not awake when she did!) i called her in the morning to say thanks..Surprisingly she is always the first one among my friends to wish me on my birthday... These days i have hardly had the time to get back to my friends but they have all been so supportive i am so thankful that i have them in my life... The last year was quite okay for me but it ended really badly..My horoscope for this year says keep expectations realistic. Your life can't always be perfect

It is so hard responding to calls from relatives when they ask when and how and what time this happened I just know that it happened..And she is no more and She's not coming back I remember the last time dadi and I went out together she came in through this door holding my hand and yesterday I saw her maybe for the last time in my life being taken through the same door..Every time we sat together in her room chatting and I sat at the end of the bed or at the arm rest of the chair she used to tell me a thousand times till I got up from there "jijo pore jabi okhan theke uthe por"(jijo u'll fall down from there,get up)..And I used to tell her "ami porbo na dadi,tumi chinta korona"(u don't worry dadi I won't fall down") But now I feel as if I've falling apart I can never get used to the fact that I will never get to see dada and dadi again...I feel as if I have lost the two closest friends that I had somewhere from where they will never retur

Life seems so hard..Nowadays either I get disturbed and tensed about what is happening or I just feel as if something within me is weakening but I have faith in god that everything will be fine..I have faith that one day not far from now she is going to hold my hand and walk out that door and everything will be fine again..I don't want to lose dadi I just don't want to lose her..Whenever I hold her hand I can feel that she is telling me to do something but one day I hope i will be able to do something when I become a doctor...I hope dadi comes back home soon and we can watch our favorite mythological serials again on Sundays.. I just hope she recovers soon I cant see her go through so much pain it almost feels as if I am feeling her pain myself...The other day when I was crying my mother told me that we are doing our best and we must leave the rest to god... I am feeling really strange..whenever I go to school I miss saying goodbye to her.. I know you people must be tired of re

I am feeling really sad..I don't know why this always happens with me that whenever things start to go my way something bad always happens..It almost seems like someone is purposely hurting me in those spheres of life which will prick the most..I don't know why I feel i am losing all my strength and serenity..My grandma is unwell and is put on the ventilator..I am feeling so helpless..I have never cried in front of people since my grandfather died 2 years back but nowadays I cry at all times..I just don't want to cry but I don't no why I just can't stop my tears..When my grandfather died it took me a lot of time to accept the fact that he is not coming back I would sometimes wake up from sleep and cry when I thought about him....And this time I don't want to lose my grandmother for anything..Today when she held my hands I told her "don't worry we're all here you will be fine I won't let anything happen to you" and I just couldn't stop m

I dint get time to check my mails because of my exams but i checked my mails just the day before and found a mail from one of my readers to publish my reply to the wonderful mail I received(26th February)..So this one is for her..The paragraphs written in inverted commas are the words of Sinjini ma'am and the rest is my reply in reference to it. Thanks Sinjini Miss for reading my blog it will be very nice if you comment in my blog also,your advice really matters...And I'm really thankful to you for your wonderful description of Love.... i totally agree with you that love means a multitudes of words but only one meaning but sometimes that one meaning becomes baseless and shallow when someone whom you really love breaks you completely...I don't know why but i still can't believe in love at 1st sight or at 2nd sight not in my case atleast..I believe love is not an instant thing it takes time,understanding,and more importantly trust..In 1st sight anyone cannot possibly

Yay!!! I'm in class 12 now!! I had my results today and it was quite okay,(not as disastrous as I had expected!)..Sometimes people tell me as to why I am never satisfied with my performance and all I manage to say is,if I am never completely satisfied with my performance because I feel there is always a scope of improvement..people call that as pessimism,maybe this is a kind of pessimism but I don't think this pessimism is a flaw and to have expectations from yourself is really necessary..I have always heard my seniors talk about how hard class 12 is and juggling school, tuitions,mock test,and quite a bit of self study is really tough but I think it's going to be fun as there will always be that sense of tension and nervousness and a feeling of being on the edge which I actually love a lot!! This part of my life,this part now is called the gearing up phase..! I gotto go for now..I will be back soon with my new adventures in class 12!!!Till then enjoy this quote "Whenev

Sometimes some people come into your life as strangers and become something very important in your life sooner than you expect and touch your life in their own way..Such relations have no name but they can be defined by one perfect word "friendship"... I recently came across one such person in life, meera dida or rather misti dida...She was in the ward next to dadi in the hospital .. The first day I saw her she was staring at the door of the ward as if she was expecting someone..The pain and emptiness in her eyes was so unfathomable that i couldn't help but wonder what she was waiting for..And somehow everyday i would stand near her ward and try to understand the immense pain in those eyes and i realized that not one day had i seen someone who came to visit her in the hospital.. i dont know how we became such good friends in such a short time..I call her meera dida, dida means grandma in bengali.. One day she told me about how she loved talking and listening to songs

My life is in utter chaos and confusion right now..My final exams got over just a few days back but all I can think of now is about how pathetic my results will be..I really screwed up my exams..I have always been among the people who study a day before the exams and this time my grandma got admitted to the hospital just during my exams so I could hardly concentrate..But anyway thank god she's fine now...I don't like giving excuses and i know its only my fault that my exam wasn't good..Unlike other people I don't hate exams infact I like exams..I have always experienced this weird sense of contentment while an examination.I love that tension,that thrill,I know many of you out there would think that I am out of my wits but it's absolutely true!Though I don't like the result part after the exam but I quite enjoy giving exams irrespective of how my preparation is..!! Anyway the main reason for all this confusion is that all my disgusting tutions have started! Just

I don't know why but i have this immense love for conversation..I love to talk..I can go on and on in a debate or while having a discussion with close friends...But the moody person that i am,there are times when i don't talk at all..Recently a friend of mine told me that she always thought i was serious and reserved..She also asked me why i have this "no nonsense" look on my face always..I somehow didn't know what answer to give i said something vague to change the topic.I don't know why exactly i have this "no nonsense look" on my face but i just have it... Anyway i just wanted to tell my readers about my new friend in school though I can't call her "new" anymore as i know her for around 9 months now! Archie who is my new friend is like my new confidante, we are so similar in terms of our laziness!!We have so much fun teasing each other in class and locking up Riko in the loo!!Archie,riko and I sit together in the same bench and now w

I got a wonderful mail in response to my blog post "And I still wonder" http://memoriesinrain.blogspot.com/2010/08/love-its-one-of-those-rare-topics-which.html from a really good friend,my best friend's teacher and more of a friend and elder sister to us..I really wanted to share this with you people.. Hi Sonia….. I just read ur blog…. And I really liked that… liked that because I used to feel like u feel now…. And I never had that much guts to write…. Liked ur honesty bout expressing ur feelings… Unlike u I have so many words to write about “Love”… “Love” is so much and so big that … million words seems less to express love… Unlike u.. I do believe in love at 1st sight.. and break ups… and I know u believe in eternal love… loving unconditionally…Commitment…. I do also believe in that…. But wht I don’t understand is the meaning of these words… Don’t bother about the instant relationships ur seeing around u… that’s common… and that used to happen in old times and that is s

“There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout: This is me damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love! I am a whole complex package. Take me... or leave me. Accept me - or walk away! Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don't fit your idea of who I should be and don't try to change me to fit your mold. If I need to change, I alone will make that decision. When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%, good and bad - you will be amazed at the opportunities that life presents you.” - Stacey Charter My quote of the day...!!

I am feeling so terrible today that i just couldn't help but come back to self confession again..My exams are on the 31st and I am so not prepared..I just realized that i'm wasting every second of the precious days left for my exams but I just can't help it...I don't know where i'm going to in life,I don't know whether I'll reach till the end..I just don't know.. :( Maybe this is god's way of waking me up and saying "now deal with this!!" I always had this ambition of becoming a Doctor but now i am loosing sight of my ambition day by day..I don't know when exactly I knew I wanted to be a doctor but I always had this passion for studying medicine...I have been told I'm not good enough and that I should choose an alternative career option but I can never imagine myself pursuing anything else.. I have been told that it will be very tough for me and I know that life is not idealistic but Life seems so queer with all these twists and tur