I am feeling really sad..I don't know why this always happens with me that whenever things start to go my way something bad always happens..It almost seems like someone is purposely hurting me in those spheres of life which will prick the most..I don't know why I feel i am losing all my strength and serenity..My grandma is unwell and is put on the ventilator..I am feeling so helpless..I have never cried in front of people since my grandfather died 2 years back but nowadays I cry at all times..I just don't want to cry but I don't no why I just can't stop my tears..When my grandfather died it took me a lot of time to accept the fact that he is not coming back I would sometimes wake up from sleep and cry when I thought about him....And this time I don't want to lose my grandmother for anything..Today when she held my hands I told her "don't worry we're all here you will be fine I won't let anything happen to you" and I just couldn't stop my tears,but I somehow managed not to cry in front of her..
I remember the moment when my grandfather died we had not told dadi(my grandma) that he is no more because they were so close and they loved each other so much that we dint know how she would react.At that time I couldn't face my grandmother as I wouldn't be able to control my tears in front of her..but she kept on calling me so I went and sat near her that's when she told everyone "Amra jijo'r modde amader thakur k dekhi o eshe geche ebar shob thik hoy jabe."
That's when I just lost it and started crying in front of her because she trusts me so much and I can't couldn't do anything..
Today I went to the hospital and she held my hands and looked at me with the same look in her eyes that she had that day..I felt so guilty that I can't do anything to relieve dadi from so much pain..I just can't do anything,.

I request all you people reading to pray for dadi,so that she recovers soon..I guess that's all I can do..

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