Can we really Forgive and FORGET??

We've always had heated up arguments  among friends over silly issues but we've solved them and come to an understanding..
There have been times when we vowed never to speak to each other but then ultimately we've always come back to each other and solved our issues...
Fights and difference in opinions are kinda normal in every relationship.. But the question is to what extent do they remain they normal and avoidable.?

Sometimes fights get down to that extent that it might strain the relation...
I've had one such fight with a friend after which we dint speak to each other for years but then we did sort out our problems later...But the truth is now our friendship has changed in such a way that we maybe "Friends" but I cannot trust her anymore...

We've always been told by our teachers and mentors that we shouldn't let the ego become a factor in relationships...
Maybe ego actually should be kept aside in our relationships but what about dignity and self respect should that be kept aside too?

Some years back my friend Mr S.S had stopped speaking to one of his close friends because he had called him a motherf**ker in an argument...
Now some guys usually address their friends(jokingly) with that and maybe he said it in the heat of the moment and dint actually mean it(obviously)...
His friend apologized to him on the last day of college but Mr S.S never spoke to him again,for him it was unforgivable,so much so that it strained the relation forever...
Maybe it is important to forgive and forget but to what extent can you actually forgive and FORGET..?
I think arguments which turn into verbal and physical abuse is so not tolerable and unforgivable so we should totally avoid such sticky situations..

There are times when we can forgive a person but not forget the pain he/she caused to us..
And if we forgive the person(at that moment) but cannot forget what happened, then we tend to bring up that topic again and again in arguments...
We might get really angry at someone or we might be really hurt but the important thing is to control our anger impulses...There might be times we don't agree with friends and we don't realize when the "discussion" turns into a heated conversation but its important to slow down and just change the topic...(Now that is what I've learnt after facing too many fights initiated by heated arguments..!!)

It is said "The course of true love never did run smooth"
But then we could always avoid the pitfalls in it..!
We have to understand that what is okay for us might not be so for your friend or likewise your boyfriend/girlfriend because every person has his own way of understanding and feeling in a relation...
Arguments happen in every relation and its important to forgive what we "CAN FORGIVE"(varies from person to person..!) and move on...
And its really okay to have arguments and sort out our differences but disrespecting the other person in that process is just not done....
But if the relationship is worth it maybe an apology or as I used to tell my friends after a fight bolo " maaf kardo maalik! " should work...!





P.s Never forgive physical abuse no matter how much you love that person..

Comments

  1. Shareef S M ASeptember 4, 2012 at 1:08 PM

    well written..
    we humans can forgive, but its quite difficult to say whether we forget the person or what misery he/she caused to us.. the extent of normalcy, self respect and dignity matters here really..
    forgiving someone and not forgetting will tend us to draw into unwanted arguments as you said.. it happens 90% of the time (i did it once and it reverted back to me.. happened like a tit for tat thing..) strained relationship when compromised won't be like earlier..
    when u cannot forget and u simply pretend to forgive, there is no point in doing so. the best thing to do is to avoid..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SoniaSeptember 13, 2012 at 1:09 PM

      Exactly so..!
      I kinda agree with you....! When its difficult to forgive and forget its better to just try and avoid that alley!!

      Delete

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