Wandering scribbler..

I think I've turned insomniac or maybe it's because of the dozens of cups of coffee that I drink during the day,or maybe it's the pre exam stress.... I am just a few weeks away for my board exams(OMG..!*panic *panic) which I HAVE TO to pass and when my board exams end, just the next day I have my Pre Medical preliminary Examination which if (and only if... P.s there's a really low possibility) I pass I'll have to give another exam which is the mains..And I also have JOINT and other medical competitive exams..So Basically till June end I will be just giving exams and I have a lot of inhibitions as to whether I'll make it or not... I have been getting panic attacks already..!! Anyway the person that I am I should feel more excited about life right now because I actually love being on the edge and everything everything in the past two years had been leading to this very moment...But seems as if the feeling of excitement has been drowned by stress and fear.... I wo...

"Yes I know that was you and I know you saw me too..And I felt (...err) jittery..I don't know why you make me so nervous.. I bumped into you and quickly hurried my way through the crowd just because I dint want to look into those eyes again..Those eyes make me so (...ummm) weak(..if that's what you call it..) they give me a strange feeling that you can read my thoughts.... I don't know why I moved away maybe because I dint want to face you or maybe because I was still conflicted as to why I kept thinking about you... And then for the rest of the evening my eyes kept searching for your face in the crowd...For the guy with whom I've had the maximum fights with since I was a kid and the guy I threatened to slap... But I had made up my mind to avoid seeing you again..I don't know why the thought of being in the same place with you still gives me shivers...Is it normal...?!! I know it isn't but was anything ever normal between us..?!!..I mean the first time we...

Today one of my friend's mother has successfully undergone a critical operation and I had been speaking to my her throughout the day telling her to be calm as she was really disturbed..She kept saying that "i have never seen mum like this,she looked so pale and weak lying in that hospital bed.." And suddenly all the memories came flooding back..I remembered how i felt the same when dadi(my grandmother) was in the ICU for more than 8 months..And how i spent most of my time last year running from school to tuitions and then to the hospital with the same tension everyday..But more than tension i felt helpless.. She told me how the doctor had not said anything except that the operation is an extremely critical one and I remembered how we heard the "she is critical" phrase for 8 long months..I remembered how i prayed so hard so that she recovers....Because there was nothing else i could do..but even after months of struggle and so many nights spent praying we lost......

Today Riko my best friend,my soul sister has turned 18...!!!! So this post is dedicated to Fiki aka Riko aka Meri Machli(ami aar amar mach ki heroine!)!! I don't know why i just cannot think of anything to write to her which i haven't written in the last 10 years that i know her..All i can say is Happy Birthday Fiki I hope you achieve all you wish for in life because you truly deserve it...Your a wonderful person Fiki I don't know what I'd do without you... I know i am a really messy and obstinate person Fiki but thank you for bearing with me, for understanding me and for sticking by me through all these years... Thank you for being there for me on that day and many such days..And picking up my call every time I called you just to discuss about the various trials in my life and sometimes to just sound sad/worried about all the pathetic things that happened... And a big Thank you for defending me and being the constant support that you are Riko.. And if at all i make som...

I cant believe i am posting this...This isn't even a proper post actually its just that i am feeling really depressed today so wrote whatever came to my mind..Please pardon my bad sense of grammar in Bengali,this is my first attempt at it.. Fire esho na abar tumi shokal er alo jeram fire ashe rater ondhokarer pore.. Ekbaar fire esho tumi abar laagbe du cup cha abar shei table abar cholbe table er kone rakha bondo radio.. Fire esho na tumi roj jeram firte shonibaar shokale ghure eshe.. Fire ashug shei shondhe belaar golpo,shei choto choto kothai jhogra,shei baar baar cha khawa aar golpo politics.. Fire ashug shei brishti'r din gulo aar aam er jonno tomar oi fascination,amar rojkaar notun dushtumi aar khabar niye jhamela,shei bagaaner picnic,aar roj shokaler tomar handshake.... Kintu firche na toh kichui kete gelo du bochor... Tahole ki shob shesh..? Shesh ki shei shondhe belaar golpo aar haath dhore eksathe cake kata aar golpo'r boi niye chorcha,shesh toh shei library'r ...

Happiee Happiee New Year!!! Yes know I'm a little late in saying this but nevertheless....! 2011 has been a really important year for me..Painfully important though but important,in it's own way...It was the year when sometimes time went by too fast and sometimes it stood still as if each moment increased the inner turmoil bit by bit...Just then I realized that this is my life and if this is where I am, I need to do something to make it right..And i can't just waste my time trying to control my life.. This year has brought some massive changes in my life I feel like I've grown up in this one year.. It has also been the year when I dreamt of accomplishing so much but now I feel like I have just wasted time..And i realized that good things don't happen because you wish them to happen you need to put the most into it and strive for that excellence.. I've had the maximum fights with friends in the past year some of them even walked out of my life...That's when ...

One day, he’s going to text you. That day, you’re going to realize he means nothing to you. He’s just another guy. Just another guy, you wasted your time on, tried to look good for, and tried to impress. He’s just another bad memory. You’re going to remember how much you like him, and miss him, but at the same time how much you hate him. Instead of getting all excited over this one message, that can mean the world to you, but nothing to him, just click erase and move on with your life. He’s not worth it... ~ Anonymous