I do Believe...


Today one of my friend's mother has successfully undergone a critical operation and I had been speaking to my her throughout the day telling her to be calm as she was really disturbed..She kept saying that "i have never seen mum like this,she looked so pale and weak lying in that hospital bed.."
And suddenly all the memories came flooding back..I remembered how i felt the same when dadi(my grandmother) was in the ICU for more than 8 months..And how i spent most of my time last year running from school to tuitions and then to the hospital with the same tension everyday..But more than tension i felt helpless..
She told me how the doctor had not said anything except that the operation is an extremely critical one and I remembered how we heard the "she is critical" phrase for 8 long months..I remembered how i prayed so hard so that she recovers....Because there was nothing else i could do..but even after months of struggle and so many nights spent praying we lost...i was helpless and somehow I lost belief in almost everything..
She told me about how she just could not take all that and broke down in front of her dad who was obviously even more tensed and i remembered many such tears that i shed sometimes in front of some known faces and sometimes alone...
After talking to her I just couldn't get over all the bitter memories....It just kept coming back and I felt as if i was still there standing outside the door of the ICU fighting back my tears and looking at dadi through the glass door waiting for the visiting hours to start....

I just had a taste of the old and familiar feeling of helplessness again...But this time I have decided never to feel helpless again...
And After so many months of pessimism and feeling that maybe I wont be able to make it... I have realized today that I have to do it..
I have to fulfill the dream which was born with me which was one of the first things I uttered when I learnt to speak and which I said with pride in my first school interview when asked what I wanted to be when I grow up and it is that I want to be a doctor..It is more than a passion more than an ambition more than anything that I can define..
One of the million reasons why i want to be a doctor is because I refuse to be helpless..

Comments

  1. AnonymousFebruary 9, 2012 at 10:31 PM

    Admire your spirit. And maybe a rewind was just a reminder for you to remember what you always wanted to be.. And hope that someday you would be proud of being on other side and saving lives and giving new hope in lives of other people :) Good luck :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SoniaFebruary 10, 2012 at 12:27 PM

      Thank you so much..:)
      I am really humbled by your kind words..
      You're right this was indeed a reminder for me,so that i can set aside all my skepticism and step forward towards my dreams...
      Thanks again for stopping by and for all your words of encouragement..:D

      Delete
  2. Ritesh AgarwalFebruary 17, 2012 at 2:58 AM

    Hi Sonia. It's indeed good to see that you haven't permitted adversity to bow u down. Rather u have used it as a weapon to arm yourself for the future...That was a great read with a perfect mix of pathos n grit shown by a girl who refuses to accept defeat :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. SoniaFebruary 18, 2012 at 1:42 AM

    Hey!Thank you so much for your insightful comment..:))
    You made my day..!:D

    ReplyDelete

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