Wandering scribbler..

Dearest Blog,   This post is dedicated to you..  You have been there with me through it all and have always gracefully published all the crap i wrote and collected the ones which are left unsaid unpublished(more than 50!!)..You have always given me emotional support whenever things got too rough and made me a much stronger person..I cant imagine life without you... Your the only one who can correct the mistakes that i make at present and also allow me to go back in time and change the past ones that I've made.. I know you'll never turn your back on me like most people do..!! You have always accepted the change that i wanted in you without complaining and stayed up with me whenever i wanted to finish a post..I don't think anybody would do that for me..!!There is absolutely no one who knows me as much as you do and whenever i sit and think about things your the only one that helps me streamline them into words... Life may have rough and bumpy roads but together we ca...

About two or three days before my iit exam I fell down from the stairs..Yes yet again I fell and this time I fractured my left ankle..!! Actually I was walking down the stairs singing Bhojpuri songs and irritating my mom when suddenly I missed a step and fell....!!! When i looked down on my ankle i saw it became swollen and red, it looked nothing less than an inflated red football..!!..(aur gao bhojpuri gaane..!!)... Before i could call out to mumma i felt really amused at this situation and started laughing(what did you expect..!!).. But mumma heard the noise and came running to rescue me before i fell laughing(total filmy style..!)..Till then everything was fine but just when she saw my ankle she raised a hue and cry about it and started her worrying session as to whether it is a fracture or I've broken a bone... Inspite of telling her a million times that it's a fracture and reminding her that the last time i had a fracture it looked the same, She kept on worrying and runnin...

I loved the IIT entrance exam(all credit to PHYSICS,the love of my life..)..! But it was seriously mind blowing..!I know I gave it for fun (..and i hate engineering)and maybe i wont even clear the cut off marks and that i might score negative marks in chem,but i seriously loved it... Ju sometimes tells me that i should actually be an engineer not a doctor(maybe because i am an expert at breaking stuff and then repairing them..Radio ho ya cell phone ipad ho ya TV sab electronic gadgets ki samasyayo ka samadhan sirf high voltage Sonia k paas hai..!!!!*conditions apply*!!).. My sissy is an electrical engineer and so is my dad who is a hardcore IITian..Well actually except me everyone in my family is an engineer..But i seriously HATE engineering..Sometimes i get tired of hearing about wires and cables and circuits at home and try and relate them with the working of the different parts of the human body and everyone ends up laughing..!! Anyway just to update you people with my present ...

Tumi kemoni dharai cholo Tomai khuje khuje o paina khuje Tomai sporsho koreyo chaina chute Tomai bhalobeshe o chaina apon kore nite Amar ei jibon khelai shobai chole majhkhanete Ami choli dhare dhare tomar chayar shate shate nijer chaya khujte chai Ami jokhun harie jai,tomar alo khuje pai Shei alo'r path dhore nijer chaya khuje pai.. Tai shudu hete jai.. Abar jeno harate chai Aar shudu cholte chai Tomar chayai chayai cholte chai.. Shei chayatei hete jai Ami shudui cholte chai.....

I think I've turned insomniac or maybe it's because of the dozens of cups of coffee that I drink during the day,or maybe it's the pre exam stress.... I am just a few weeks away for my board exams(OMG..!*panic *panic) which I HAVE TO to pass and when my board exams end, just the next day I have my Pre Medical preliminary Examination which if (and only if... P.s there's a really low possibility) I pass I'll have to give another exam which is the mains..And I also have JOINT and other medical competitive exams..So Basically till June end I will be just giving exams and I have a lot of inhibitions as to whether I'll make it or not... I have been getting panic attacks already..!! Anyway the person that I am I should feel more excited about life right now because I actually love being on the edge and everything everything in the past two years had been leading to this very moment...But seems as if the feeling of excitement has been drowned by stress and fear.... I wo...

"Yes I know that was you and I know you saw me too..And I felt (...err) jittery..I don't know why you make me so nervous.. I bumped into you and quickly hurried my way through the crowd just because I dint want to look into those eyes again..Those eyes make me so (...ummm) weak(..if that's what you call it..) they give me a strange feeling that you can read my thoughts.... I don't know why I moved away maybe because I dint want to face you or maybe because I was still conflicted as to why I kept thinking about you... And then for the rest of the evening my eyes kept searching for your face in the crowd...For the guy with whom I've had the maximum fights with since I was a kid and the guy I threatened to slap... But I had made up my mind to avoid seeing you again..I don't know why the thought of being in the same place with you still gives me shivers...Is it normal...?!! I know it isn't but was anything ever normal between us..?!!..I mean the first time we...

Today one of my friend's mother has successfully undergone a critical operation and I had been speaking to my her throughout the day telling her to be calm as she was really disturbed..She kept saying that "i have never seen mum like this,she looked so pale and weak lying in that hospital bed.." And suddenly all the memories came flooding back..I remembered how i felt the same when dadi(my grandmother) was in the ICU for more than 8 months..And how i spent most of my time last year running from school to tuitions and then to the hospital with the same tension everyday..But more than tension i felt helpless.. She told me how the doctor had not said anything except that the operation is an extremely critical one and I remembered how we heard the "she is critical" phrase for 8 long months..I remembered how i prayed so hard so that she recovers....Because there was nothing else i could do..but even after months of struggle and so many nights spent praying we lost......