Wandering scribbler..

I think I've turned insomniac or maybe it's because of the dozens of cups of coffee that I drink during the day,or maybe it's the pre exam stress.... I am just a few weeks away for my board exams(OMG..!*panic *panic) which I HAVE TO to pass and when my board exams end, just the next day I have my Pre Medical preliminary Examination which if (and only if... P.s there's a really low possibility) I pass I'll have to give another exam which is the mains..And I also have JOINT and other medical competitive exams..So Basically till June end I will be just giving exams and I have a lot of inhibitions as to whether I'll make it or not... I have been getting panic attacks already..!! Anyway the person that I am I should feel more excited about life right now because I actually love being on the edge and everything everything in the past two years had been leading to this very moment...But seems as if the feeling of excitement has been drowned by stress and fear.... I wo...

"Yes I know that was you and I know you saw me too..And I felt (...err) jittery..I don't know why you make me so nervous.. I bumped into you and quickly hurried my way through the crowd just because I dint want to look into those eyes again..Those eyes make me so (...ummm) weak(..if that's what you call it..) they give me a strange feeling that you can read my thoughts.... I don't know why I moved away maybe because I dint want to face you or maybe because I was still conflicted as to why I kept thinking about you... And then for the rest of the evening my eyes kept searching for your face in the crowd...For the guy with whom I've had the maximum fights with since I was a kid and the guy I threatened to slap... But I had made up my mind to avoid seeing you again..I don't know why the thought of being in the same place with you still gives me shivers...Is it normal...?!! I know it isn't but was anything ever normal between us..?!!..I mean the first time we...

Today one of my friend's mother has successfully undergone a critical operation and I had been speaking to my her throughout the day telling her to be calm as she was really disturbed..She kept saying that "i have never seen mum like this,she looked so pale and weak lying in that hospital bed.." And suddenly all the memories came flooding back..I remembered how i felt the same when dadi(my grandmother) was in the ICU for more than 8 months..And how i spent most of my time last year running from school to tuitions and then to the hospital with the same tension everyday..But more than tension i felt helpless.. She told me how the doctor had not said anything except that the operation is an extremely critical one and I remembered how we heard the "she is critical" phrase for 8 long months..I remembered how i prayed so hard so that she recovers....Because there was nothing else i could do..but even after months of struggle and so many nights spent praying we lost......